SQ
(pets new confessions thread) let's break you in with the thing that's been bothering me for the past who knows how long
ggggggaaahhhh my mind has been getting worse and worse and i'm really not sure how i'm going to handle next semester, when i'm taking two 400-level french classes (one lit class, one senior project)
it would be nice to get some help before school starts so i can feel normal by the time things get hard, but i have no idea what to do at home. it would involve talking to my mom (or my dad, but he'd probably just redirect me to my mom for doctory stuff) and i'm pretty sure she would not give me the kind of response i want/need. so it would be easier to go to the health center at school, by myself (well, with my friend who's been pushing and shoving me to go… even though she promised she'd TAKE me one day and never did…) but. i don't know if that would cost anything extra, or if my mom would even know about it at all, or what. there's just too many variables i don't know about and i can't do anything until i know exactly what will happen
my twitter friends who see the worst of my Problems pretty much have each told me “YOU NEED HELP” and i appreciate their input so i know i'm not just making this up, but i don't know how to get help and i am scared and i REALLY don't want to cry in front of people which i am 98% sure would happen if i had to talk to a doctor or got diagnosed with something
(depression/anxiety is mostly what i'm thinking i have. i also have suspected i had some kind of attention disorder but i'm not sure that's severe enough, i bet i'm being overly whiny just because i don't want to do anything ever, which probably stems from depression?)
(severe dependency is also an issue but i'm not sure if any kind of medication would help that, it's probably mostly my horrible self-esteem, paranoia that my friends are all planning on leaving me sometime — which my friend said for her, that went away with her depression/anxiety meds so i'm hoping that would be the same for me. who knows. i'm scared lol)AT LEAST this summer class has been really nice. bit nervous for my presentation tomorrow because i haven't put a whole lot of work into yet, but, my three quiz grades were 21/22, 25.5/26, and 25.5/26, and my two paper scores have been B+ and A-, so i'm thinking i might actually get an A for once?? i really hope?? it's just a 200-level class tho so that probably explains some things
ok i'm done whining, i will shut up, sorry
Does your school have a free counseling? It sounds like you really need it!! Anyway, even getting prescribed a low dosage might help you and let you handle getting through your schooling ;v;