Maybe I check my Nohari and Johari too much. It's just the best way for anonymous people to give me comments on what they think I am, And somebody just said that they think I'm “bold” and “boastful”. Since when was I boastful or bold?
Yeah, I'm bold and obtuse when it comes to words, and I often say things that are probably offensive because I just have a bad way of wording things, but… boastful? I dunno; maybe I just feel that I have so few achievements that I think I need to shove it into other people's faces to even be noticed? Is that it? Is that anonymous person even from this forum? Are they a troll? …I'm confused, really.
Oh, this is new. I feel ashamed even being on this site. No, WW isn't a bad place or anything. If anything, it's amazing. Nah, the problem is that I think that I don't belong here, that I'm wasting everyone's time, that the community is too tight-knit between the older members to allow a newbie to join in, that I'm being a little mandarin to everyone and not even realizing it until now, that I'm the one rude person in this community, that I am so goddamned trivial that nothing I do even matters.. yeah, that stuff.
…Great. I'm crying as I type this. Hooray, how pathetic of me. I'm that person, huh? Do I even deserve to be typing this? I've heard so many people say “Crying is fine, it's okay to let go of restraints,” but it certainly doesn't feel that way. It feels freaking horrible.
Why am I so bad at this? I walk up to a person, I try to talk to them, and I fail. I can't even do it online, I just keep my head low and do not contribute anything to the conversation. It's just an ice-breaker, but everyone acts like I did a heinous crime by asking them what their favorite things or pet peeves were.
I'm looking too much into this, aren't I? One thing's for sure, I trivialize my own worries a lot. Ding ding, one point on the low self-esteem meter! Why am I even rambling like this. Is it really banged into my head that confessing weakness is… well, weak? Wow, now I'm concerned on a number of levels about my mental stability.
Hey, I'm sorry you feel that way
I was a lil mandarin on this forum for like my first 3 years and might still be but in very small doses
my first forum post consisted of 92 smiley cats
(just imagine a wall of :cheesy: and you got it)
it's not expected that you'll… er… know how to interact(?) right away, we just like to nudge…
sometimes it is too many people nudging though, I'm sorry ;0;
if I may say so, you're still growing
I remember being 14 and joining the forum so I'm not as bothered as you might think by that fact.
one time somebody simply said the word “sex” and I snapped at them and reported them and a bunch of people ganged up on me for it, it was super embarrassing and I thought I was gonna end up banned… I thought everyone hated me because I didn't want people even mentioning the thing on the forum,
but the thing passed… and as it turned out they didn't hate me they just thought I was being a little ridiculous for that moment
We've all got our embarrassing beginnings/moments, it's okay for you to have yours too
We'll still love you (in a totally familial way if that's how it's most comfortable for you)
I really want to help fix that “tight-knit” thing…
I hope this can be a safe space for everyone
I can also pass you a list of what each censor I've found is if it'll be beneficial to you?
I agree completely with Lavender, we were all new to this site at some point, and most of us did terribly embarrassing things, and most of us thought that we had messed up so badly that no one would ever talk to/like us afterwards. But honestly, the people here tend to forgive and forget very easily.
For example, on the old forum there was a “five word rule” where every post had to be at least five words long. On my first day on the forum, I misread it as “posts have to be less than five words long”, so I posted less than five words every time I posted. I got into a huge argument with one of the mods and an older member (who was Darkstar… how embarrassing for me right?) and once I realized my mistake I was mortified, I thought that everyone hated me and that I'd never make any friends. But they were both really chill about it, they understood that people make mistakes.
There is kinda a close-knit thing going on, which we should probably try to fix soon, but know that it's not because we don't like new people, we love new people! It's just that our childhood is being revitalized here, so we're all really excited and nostalgic and stuff. After a while it should cool down a lot c: